Attack of the Clones

Imitation is the Sincerest Form of Flattery

I want to welcome all the new "mees" to the site. I was not aware I had such a differing opinion of myself. The Internet is fun. I knew people would sock me when I started this place. Why do you think I chose such a stupid name as "Photoshoptor Doctor"? Ha ha, you made an "ass" of yourself... Get it? Well, we both know that if you were good at "getting" jokes you wouldn't be picking apart the other Farkers' work.
How to Spot a Phony
Anyone visiting the comments section has no doubt noticed more than a few copies of me. Probably someone's attempt to get me to turn off anon commenting. Sorry, no dice Bucko. Anyone who wants to anon comment about anything, whether it be the Critic's sandy vagina or my own pathetic attempt at parody are more than welcome to. Here's how to spot a phony me:
1) Posting time of 6:00-12am: Not me. I don't get up that early. The only Blogger I know who of who posts from that time is Papa Bear over at the TFPSTC. I've seen him post around 7:30 am a couple of times. His goon squad has the run of this place until around noon.
2) Link goes to profile with fewer views than 200 something: Not me. The profile was created trying to match my own exactly. Though I'm not sure if they got the song right. I'd have to check. Anyway the new mees have much lower profile views.
3) Poorly written comments: Not me. Anyone who reads this rag should know of my own particular style. My impostors may want to consult a thesaurus.
4) Naming Farkers I hate: Not me. I love every Farker, especially the senior ones. Most definitely Brian O'Blivion. My work would not exist without yours. I even love the Critic. I hope he never shuts up. I didn't laugh this hard at the Simpsons Movie, and that's saying a lot.
Something Beautiful Happened
I don't often intend to do this, but I'm going to talk about some real Farkers for a minute. Anyone who follows the PSAEF should be familiar with the dust up that occurred between And-1 and HellYeahHokie. Both are PSers of the highest caliber, and it has hurt me to see them sniping at each other. I think their conversation in "R.I.P. TFPSTC Comment Section" helped to clear the air a bit. Sorry to put the spotlight on you guys, but I respect both of you too much to let this pass without giving other Farker's a chance to learn from your example. This forum will be open to anyone wanting to settle a beef. Just look out for the clones...
Speaking of Which
I want to apologize to any of you who were sock puppeted. Rest assure I had nothing to do with it. If anyone wants me to believe it's really you, use And-1's "waves at the bloggers" idea. Accept maybe you shouldn't post in the PSAEF. That might be distracting/threadjacking if it happens all the time. Just paste your comment's time code into your Fark Profile. Unless you're Roger Mexico's haxxxor, LOLz...
I Defeated your Assassin
Thought you could get the drop on me by sending that assassin dressed up like the mailman yesterday, eh Critic? The jokes on you, pal. He won't be reporting back any time soon. What's next, a fake meter reader? Bring it on.
I am an Attention Whore
I want you to look at me. LOOK AT ME!!!!!111!!eleventy!!! I am the best Blogger in the world. Love me! LOVE ME!!!!11!!! Oh yeah? Well I never loved you anyway. I hate you for making me love you! You never touch me anymore.
Stay tuned for more vaginal siliacate-infused jackassery from the Doctor!

Posted by The Photoshoptor Doctor at 6:46 PM 159 Comments

Greetings, PSAEF!

Hello to all
And-1 linked me in the forum, so I had to make a new post. Hey guys! Great to have you here... Let the sock puppetting commence!
How To
Write the name of the person you want to spoof, then paste their profile url (fark, blogger, etc) into the website blank. So that's how the Critic did it! Thanks And-1! UR teh roXXorz!!!!!!!!!!!!111!!!
Look out for the "fake" Me.
My precious identity has been stolen. There is now a counterfiet Doctor. Awesome. Now I can argue with myself, just like at home. Look out for this jagoff... He'll bite ya!

R.I.P. TFPSTC Comment Section

The End of an Era
It looks like Papa Bear has turned off his comment section over at the Photoshop Critique. It's such as shame. Just as the spirited debate was heating up, too. I wonder what I will do now in between making stupid pictures. It really is too bad... And what of the Troll Poll? Has it's usefulness been negated? Drat. I was really looking forward to beating "Whichever Poster is Brian O'Blivion."
Welcoming Arms
I am hereby extending a hand to the Critic. Since his comments have suddenly been destroyed, most likely by Communists, he is welcome to post here. That goes for his goon squad, too. If any of you have a well thought rebuttal, or want to call me a poopy face, you are welcome to. Anon to your heart's content. Just keep in mind the Critic cuts himself every time you say something bad about him. Let the man have some blood for FSM's sake.
The Internet: Won?
Should we break out the Mission Accomplished banner? By removing his comments section, the Critic took his own critics out of the picture. Unfortunately, he also removed his only supporters. Not to worry though. They are all welcome here, as I enjoy a spirited debate. So come and comment, we're all waiting for you.
Stay tuned for more anonymous sabre-rattling from the Doctor!

Flame Wars: Essential to Photoshopping

The Art of the Flame
Creating quality, cliche-filled work can only get you so far on Fark. If you ever want to win, you've got engage in the time honored tradition of the Flame War. Here is an easy guide to flaming. Follow it, and you too can join the vast pantheon of people who have opinions.
Know your Opinion
Much like the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, the journey to becoming an opinionated asshat begins with a single thought. What is that thought, you may ask? Simple: I am better than everyone else. This thought is often followed quickly by another: Everyone is stupid but me. Thinking this way is good for the creative process, and helps to ward off stagnation of design.
/Flame On
Now that you have an opinion, it's time to get out there and tell everybody. Only bitter people keep their opinions to themselves. You've got to let the world know, baby!
1. Find the nearest person (it may be necessary to find someone who disagrees with you).
2. Tell them that they suck.
You may want to get on the Internet to do this. However, this guide also works in the meat-world as long as you don't mind getting punched in the face.
Show No Mercy
Anyone who disagrees with you is your sworn enemy. Don't even consider that they may have a valid point. Points are irrelevant. Flame wars aren't about making points. They are about yelling and stamping your feet. No one's mind ever got changed in a flame war, so don't bother trying.
The Keepers of the Flame
To keep things straight, you need to get a list going of all the people you hate. Annotate it according to whether or not you have discredited the person yet. Keeping an ongoing tally of everyone who hates each other in the Fark forums can be difficult, but no one said this was going to be easy. Oh wait, did I?
Stay tuned for more tips from the Doctor! Be sure to call me a fag in the comments section!

Tutorial on Roger Mexico's Wife

Proper Creepy Guy placement
The longest running and perhaps best understood Fark Cliche is the Creepy Guy, also referred to as Roger Mexico's Wife. Everyone knows what he is a reference to, but no one is sure exactly who first started posting him. What is known is that every Fark entry, to be taken seriously, must include a Creepy Guy.

Here is the Creepy Guy, also referred to as Roger Mexico's Wife. His origins are mysterious and elusive.

Here is an attempt by a beginner that posted in a recent contest. WRONG! You fail! You can't even see his face. This n00b should just quit. Go hang yourself or something...

Here is an example of proper execution of the Roger Mexico's Wife cliche. Note how he is in the center, where you can see him.

Here is the winning entry that posted in that contest. I like to call this type of work a "cliche crossover." It is often unbeatable. The only defense? Paint Huffer Guy...
Stay tuned for more tips from the Doctor, whose secret identity will never be determined. Never!

Winning in One Easy Lesson

How to win a Contest

Child's play, really. All you have to do is harness the power of the allmighty Fark Squirrel. Fire up MSPaint and get to gettin'.

As you can see, this original is pure crap. Everyone knows that hummingbirds are flightless, so this pic has obviously been manipulated before submission. Highly dubious.

Now we're seeing some progress. By including as much of the Squirrel source as possible, you assure yourself a high number of votes. Good on Ya. There's still room for improvement, though.

This entry is what I like to call "top tier" work. It's almost too good to submit. It would dwarf the other contest pics. I don't want to steal anyone's thunder. That's not what this blog is about.

Stay tuned for more tips from the Doctor

10 Photoshop Demandments

Time To Make Some Demands

I have compiled this list to help my fellow Farkers become more high minded, like my friend the Critic. Go over it carefully. I have found that compiling lists of things is a great way to get better at photoshopping.
Try it yourself some time. Make sure to take yourself seriously. After all, the internet is Serious Buisness.
I want to thank all the newcomers who have commented on my blog. Stick around. You just might learn something.
I will soon begin posting some basic MSPaint tutorials. If you pay close attention to them you will be well on your way to following the Path of the Righteous Photoshopper.
I'm just doing my part to make sure more people turn out like the gang over at TFPTC.

Setting Up

Trackballs: Worth the Money?

If you're going to compete in a Fark PS contest, you'd better have the right tools for the job. Don't let the salesman at your local electronics warehouse talk you into a Wacom. You'll never be able to create anything decent with one of those. You need to locate a trackball. You know what I'm talking about? They're like an upside down mouse. DO NOT TURN IT UPSIDE DOWN. Or wait, maybe you're supposed to. Whatever.

The Proper Enviornment

Photoshopping requires a free mind, and a free mind requires a free workspace. Locate a room or partioned area at least 4x5. Make sure to keep it clear of living insects. Here's a hint: If you keep enough trash on the floor, you won't even be able to see the roaches. Out of site, out of mind.

Begin

Go to Fark.com's contest page . View the headlines. DO NOT CLICK ON THE PICTURE LINKS! You aren't ready yet. Once you've seen a headline, you should start to get an idea. Click the picture link so you can be dissapointed with whatever got greenlighted. Then go off to your blog and bitch about how the quality of Fark has declined.

Go Fuel Yourself

At this point, you're probably hungry. Go get in your car and drive to McDonald's. You might want to switch to a laptop so you can continue reading this blog without having to drag your desktop all the way there.

Take a Nap

All Fark Photoshoppers, every single one, takes a nap before he/she photoshops. Nothing like a 16 hour nap to get the creative juices flowing. If you still don't have an idea when you wake up, just go back to sleep. Repeat until your muscles atrophy.

Stay tuned for more helpful hints from the Doctor!